Out of My Comfort Zone

So this morning I did the talk to begin class in my cultural diversity class (yes I like to say my professor conned me into this but....). For those of you who know me well you are probably well aware that this is at a very minimum out of my comfort zone and will be even more shocked that I actually shared something I had written a couple of years ago. Frankly I couldn't come up with anything else I could bear to do at 8 AM so.....I love to write but don't have a lot of confidence in it sometimes but the more I see clients and realize how hard a time of year the holidays can be for others even though I love Christmas the more this thing I title the "The Refugee's Decision" resonates. Anyway, I think often I get caught up in my family and how we all love Christmas and our excitement especially this year with Karlee being old enough to entertain us with ripping into packages instead of sitting there starring at them and I forget the hurt out there. I forget how those who have lost dears one feel, those who have bad memories of family, those with troubled finances, those in abusive situations that wonder where the joy is. I was even more reminded of the hurt in this world this past weekend when my friend from Austin called and told me about a California congressman's daughter she had befriended that died this past weekend at the age of 33. I won't go into details but I know there is a lot of guilt and hurt in that situation and I know they are not alone. Anyway, so I am going way out of my comfort zone and sharing this. The good thing is there can be a happy ending. My goal is with my clients to reach out and give them hope for a joyful time and I hope that for those you know hurting you can do the same...

The Refugee’s Decision


I wade into life as if I were in the ocean
With the peaceful waters lapping around my ankles
Softly cleaning the sandy grime covering me
I make my head believe how good life is
I pretend in my heart how invinsible I am

I pursue the waves further out
Crashing at my thighs and churning at my calves
As reality starts thrashing my soul
My heart experiencing the vulnerability and pain

But I am arrogant and strong
And I continue to plunge into the massive ocean
Craving the attention of the white pillow tops
Wanting to bury myself – to bury my inmost being
Where there is no wrath but a peaceful tranquility

But as I begin to trudge deeper and deeper in
The waves get bigger - the hurt goes deeper
They pull me under and clench my breath
As they begin to suck the air out of me

I fight to resurface through just enough of the ache
If only just for a short grasp of air
But the gulps are few and far apart and life becomes tender
The current pulls me further under into the deep deep secrets of my life
That I’ve allowed to toss me about as if a piece of driftwood

I feel trapped with nowhere to turn
Fighting a monster that has no end
One that lashes me continuously
Pulling me further away from air and hope


I’m a helpless refugee in the middle of the ocean of life with no ship in sight.


After minutes that seem like years
I’ve become comfortable in my state
And the thought of a rescue
Is now beyond my desire or grasp of reality

However on the horizon one draws close
I begin to thrash wildly to attract attention
But as the liberator comes closer
The comfort zone I’ve adapted takes over
And I go back to pursuing one breath at a time.

I slowly sink back into the depths alone;
a helpless refugee not wanting life.

Raft after raft, ship after ship,
Champion after champion
Yet I hide from fear
Taunted by the enemy
That has me in his grasp.

Yet longing in my heart for someone stronger
To pull me back to shallow ground
Away from the haunt of my fear
But I’m too scared of the inevitable wounds
So my mind is convincing my heart to accept my plight

As survival is drained from my being I give up and give myself to my adversary.

Then one comes along that won’t let me stay behind
Not looking for me but bumping into me
On a path only God could direct.
I feel the grasp on my hand and the gentle tugs
But I fear exposure out of what has become my comfort zone

But the liberator doesn’t give up but pulls harder
Exposing weaknesses I never dreamed of letting surface
She wraps her liferope around my waste
And slowly begins lifting me out of the mire

I continue to resist as deeply buried wounds are exposed
But she keeps heaving me out of the past
Heaving the hurt to the surface
Begging me to hand them over to the savior
The only one who can heal me from this filth

What will I do? Will I let go?

Will I elect the comfort of the fear in my heart
Or will I let these white caps bury the pain here
Spiraling me to the freedom I so long for?
Will I leave this muck that has become my home?

After an invigorating internal struggle
Giving up fades from my thoughts
I’m reenergized with strength and meekness
Humbly I reach out and let my pride slip away

I emerge from the torment cleansed
Enveloping my new life of freedom
Soul in soul with my savior
Now on the path to home.