So all I've been looking forward to for a week now is a night without worry that the pager or work phone will go off. And now that that night is upon me I am so exhausted I can't sleep. My mind is just racing. There is just too much hurt in the world too much pain and my pain meter has overflowed.
Its funny we are pretty good at taking care of others or at least trying and some of us are really good at taking care of others. I'm really good at trying. So why don't we know how to take care of ourselves? Why am I so overwhelmed to the point of breaking and don't know what to do. And you think it has to end right? So you convince yourself (that good ole CBT therapy) that tomorrow will be better and so when there is more pain and suffering tomorrow it just adds to your pain meter as you try to care for the suffering and the cycle starts all over again.
So how do we learn to let go of it and let God take it before it kills us?
That is what is exhausting me tonight....
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
Monday, September 07, 2009
The Chaplain
What I really want to do is vent about how I am exhausted; how I had the worst on call ever (17 hours on sat) and how I got called out for backup on Sunday and how today that pager has already chirped too many times; and how I'm about to my breaking point but in honor of keeping it light - I'll just tell you about the chaplain.
First a brief insight into my job - I see suicidal, homicidal, and psychotic people all day long and help determine if they are safe to stay in the communicty or need to be in a psych hospital whether that be voluntary or involuntary. If hospitalization is the answer there is a rather lengthy process to go about this. If the client is in a medical hospital or ER the process is even longer. So I practically work at the ER, know probably 90% of the nurses, all the Doctors, most of the techs, and all the security (they often have to restrain our clients).
But apparently I did not know the most important person - The Chaplain.
Mind you this chaplain is part time at that but here is the story:
So Saturday it was me and one of our new employees who was shadowing me (who by the way was a trooper for hanging in there the whole time on the craziest day ever) and we had been paged up to the ER to help get a client into a hospital. As usual the nurses let me in and I go to my spot behind the nurses station over in the corner trying to stay out of the way. Especially, Saturday as they had a severe trauma going on where about five nurse including the charge nurse were occupied with this. So Jenny (my shadow) and I start going through the paper work and this old man with bald on top and then flowing white hair and a cast boot on his leg starts yelling at us "who are you?" Now this guy is standing with his side to me, I've never seen him before, and he is standing by a patients door. Now in the world of HIPPA I am very careful not to tell people who I am because if they know I am there for mental health and see me entering a patient's room - well let's just say there is still often a stigma. So I said to this guy that I had been called there by a nurse. He again yelled "Are you an employee of the ER?" I said "No". He said "Identify yourself" I told him my name, He said "identify who you work for" and I tried to nicely tell him I was not obligated to do this. He then started yelling "Yes you are get out of the ER now you can not be in here OUT!!" then he charged at us (luckily the counter was in between us) and started yelling more. Well when he charged us I saw his Hospital badge. I told him, "sir if you had told me you worked for the hospital when I asked I would have explained to you why I am here" He just yelled more so I said "sir I am going to go get a nurse" and I took off to try and get away and try and get help.
I come back and he is gone so I tell Jenny wow that was wierd. All the techs who were watching were like something is wrong with him. So then he comes back. We had picked up the phone to call the psych hospital and he pushes us out of the way grabs the phone and starts yelling how he told us to leave the ER and we didn't so he was going to call security. I told him I would be more than happy for him to call security and he grabs me and says come on I am taking you upstairs to security. I told him I was not obligated to go with him but to stay here and do my job and so me and Jenny moved down to another phone. Security comes and talks with him and I assume calms him down. By now Doctors and the charge nurse are also trying to calm him down and I'm just trying to get out of the way.
So they all leave and we are on the phone with the pysch hospital and he comes over irate again and says he wants to apologize. However, he was yelling about how when he tells me to leave the ER I better do it and he was so loud Jenny had to put the psych hospital on hold. I told him that I would appreciate it if he leaves me alone that I am not going to argue with him. Security came and got him again and escorted him out. The Security officer came back and said he thinks it might possibly be low blood sugar since he is a diabetic which at least makes me feel a little better but after all he is a chaplain.
I was extremely embarrassed already at my breaking point all the nurses felt horrible for us I felt bad Jenny had to see all that. Now I'm sure we will just always laugh at the story. When I had to go back up there Sat. night and last night the nurses would come up pretending to yell at me to get out of the ER so at least I can provide them some laughter at my expense.
So if you ever need the chaplain at Hendricks with flowing white hair (kind of looks crazy himself) Oh yeah I didn't mention he was yelling about crazy people being up in the ER trying to take over; anyway just make sure he's had enough insulin!!!
First a brief insight into my job - I see suicidal, homicidal, and psychotic people all day long and help determine if they are safe to stay in the communicty or need to be in a psych hospital whether that be voluntary or involuntary. If hospitalization is the answer there is a rather lengthy process to go about this. If the client is in a medical hospital or ER the process is even longer. So I practically work at the ER, know probably 90% of the nurses, all the Doctors, most of the techs, and all the security (they often have to restrain our clients).
But apparently I did not know the most important person - The Chaplain.
Mind you this chaplain is part time at that but here is the story:
So Saturday it was me and one of our new employees who was shadowing me (who by the way was a trooper for hanging in there the whole time on the craziest day ever) and we had been paged up to the ER to help get a client into a hospital. As usual the nurses let me in and I go to my spot behind the nurses station over in the corner trying to stay out of the way. Especially, Saturday as they had a severe trauma going on where about five nurse including the charge nurse were occupied with this. So Jenny (my shadow) and I start going through the paper work and this old man with bald on top and then flowing white hair and a cast boot on his leg starts yelling at us "who are you?" Now this guy is standing with his side to me, I've never seen him before, and he is standing by a patients door. Now in the world of HIPPA I am very careful not to tell people who I am because if they know I am there for mental health and see me entering a patient's room - well let's just say there is still often a stigma. So I said to this guy that I had been called there by a nurse. He again yelled "Are you an employee of the ER?" I said "No". He said "Identify yourself" I told him my name, He said "identify who you work for" and I tried to nicely tell him I was not obligated to do this. He then started yelling "Yes you are get out of the ER now you can not be in here OUT!!" then he charged at us (luckily the counter was in between us) and started yelling more. Well when he charged us I saw his Hospital badge. I told him, "sir if you had told me you worked for the hospital when I asked I would have explained to you why I am here" He just yelled more so I said "sir I am going to go get a nurse" and I took off to try and get away and try and get help.
I come back and he is gone so I tell Jenny wow that was wierd. All the techs who were watching were like something is wrong with him. So then he comes back. We had picked up the phone to call the psych hospital and he pushes us out of the way grabs the phone and starts yelling how he told us to leave the ER and we didn't so he was going to call security. I told him I would be more than happy for him to call security and he grabs me and says come on I am taking you upstairs to security. I told him I was not obligated to go with him but to stay here and do my job and so me and Jenny moved down to another phone. Security comes and talks with him and I assume calms him down. By now Doctors and the charge nurse are also trying to calm him down and I'm just trying to get out of the way.
So they all leave and we are on the phone with the pysch hospital and he comes over irate again and says he wants to apologize. However, he was yelling about how when he tells me to leave the ER I better do it and he was so loud Jenny had to put the psych hospital on hold. I told him that I would appreciate it if he leaves me alone that I am not going to argue with him. Security came and got him again and escorted him out. The Security officer came back and said he thinks it might possibly be low blood sugar since he is a diabetic which at least makes me feel a little better but after all he is a chaplain.
I was extremely embarrassed already at my breaking point all the nurses felt horrible for us I felt bad Jenny had to see all that. Now I'm sure we will just always laugh at the story. When I had to go back up there Sat. night and last night the nurses would come up pretending to yell at me to get out of the ER so at least I can provide them some laughter at my expense.
So if you ever need the chaplain at Hendricks with flowing white hair (kind of looks crazy himself) Oh yeah I didn't mention he was yelling about crazy people being up in the ER trying to take over; anyway just make sure he's had enough insulin!!!
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