Here is the promised update now that I am finally getting a little energy back. Things seemed to go well. I think I was pretty groggy. I had a crazy crisis morning and didn't have a lot of time to calm down and destress before I got there so he shot me up with some Ativan. Apparently just a small dose has drastic affects on me!!!
Anyway, he got the tumor and said he felt like he cut out all the layers that he could see might have cancerous cells. He also took a biopsy from a couple of lymph nodes. He said my uterus looks good and he saw no other abnormal cells. He seems to think it was an aggressive tumor but it was isolated and that everything will be fine. Will get the results of the biopsy hopefully Tuesday. I'm doing good just watching more TV than I watch in a month because if I read I get drowsy and fall asleep. This is probably from the massive amounts of advil I'm taking but who likes pain lets be real!!
Thanks to all of you who have been thinking and praying for me. I've got wonderful friends here who picked me up; sat with me while I slept; baked or brought me food; spent the night; waited on me hand and foot I mean breakfast was ready when I woke up. I could get used to this!! Ha!! not really I'm too independent. I really do appreciate the great friends and family I have. I'll update when I find out about the biopsy.
Now to watch some more TV....
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
T Minus 24 hours and counting
Well actually more like 17 hours and I am still calm so that is good. I know I promised updates on here so yes the "procedure" is tomorrow. I have noticed that its the things I can't do anything about that I can handle better than the stupid stuff I get myself into. Imagine that. I'm not saying I'm not just a little bit of anxious but hmmm I think that verse says give that to God and He will provide peace so I am praying for peace no matter what happens. Thanks for all your support and prayers and hopefully my next post will be with Nasty C word Free!!!
Thursday, January 14, 2010
The Nasty Word
The past two weeks have just been punch after punch to the gut knocking every ounce of air out of me....
I hate the C word - the C word that also has ancer attached to it.
Oh probably about 22 or 23 years ago I was chilling a summer at Granny's in Tenn. As a very young girl getting dressed with Granny one day I noticed something wierd - Granny only had one boob. So of course at 9 or 10 you ask and then get some explanation about a gel boob you don't understand. It was my first introduction to someone who had cancer (although at the time I didn't know it.) But I do remember after that thinking everytime they announced at church someone had cancer thinking they were with one less boob.
Since then I like probably most of you all could make a list a mile long of people you know who have battled with it. Brave, courageous people some survivors, some still fighting, some losing the battle that came with their humanness but winning the spiritual battle.
There is the lady at camp who was a counselor a teach and a spiritual role model for me someone I've looked up to since the day I met her - she found out this year her battle she has fought so many times is not yet over and she is fighting again.
There is the young daughter of a friend in Abilene fighting leukemia with laughter and bravery and childlike innocence.
There is my granny who never let being one boob down keep her from loving her husband, her kids, her grandkids, and being an amazing woman of God.
There is my counselor at camp and friend that her mother fought a long hard battle and while I did not know her I see her through her daughter and I know the valeant fight she fought before she went home because she never lost her focus on what was important.
There is the mentor at church growing up that I hear one day at college has a brain tumor that at a very young age and with young children fought through it all and I never saw anything but a smile on her face.
There are the aunts of my dear friend Meredith that so many prayers went up for and both have left a legacy behind on this earth.
And the list goes on and on and on....
Oh and there is my friend's dad who has just started his own fight and had to spend Christmas in the hospital.
And that same friend is helping (along with so many others) through my fight.
So I know it is my good friends who read this and will hear through the grapevine from my sisters and other friends and so I don't know how else to be the first one to tell you except through here.
Cervical cancer is treatable and nothing to worry about yet its still a punch in the gut. There is still the anticipation of the results from tests, the tests, the abnormal instruments in your body, the waiting, the wierd feelings of not knowing if the way your body is responding and the pains are normal or something is wrong, the crying, the bottling up, the I have to be strong, the private melt downs, etc. etc. etc....So there it is. So I no longer just feel for those that have been pierced with this arrow from Satan but feel with them.
Am I mad - yes, Am I frustrated - yes, Do I know how to handle this - no, Do I know if I can get through this - not alone, Do I know God is bigger than this - yes that is the hope I have to cling to.
So no more phone calls or texts why I didn't tell you....I will point you to the blog!! ha!!
Oh and so much for 2010 resolutions - oh no wait writing more was one of those resolutions - see I am making it!!
I hate the C word - the C word that also has ancer attached to it.
Oh probably about 22 or 23 years ago I was chilling a summer at Granny's in Tenn. As a very young girl getting dressed with Granny one day I noticed something wierd - Granny only had one boob. So of course at 9 or 10 you ask and then get some explanation about a gel boob you don't understand. It was my first introduction to someone who had cancer (although at the time I didn't know it.) But I do remember after that thinking everytime they announced at church someone had cancer thinking they were with one less boob.
Since then I like probably most of you all could make a list a mile long of people you know who have battled with it. Brave, courageous people some survivors, some still fighting, some losing the battle that came with their humanness but winning the spiritual battle.
There is the lady at camp who was a counselor a teach and a spiritual role model for me someone I've looked up to since the day I met her - she found out this year her battle she has fought so many times is not yet over and she is fighting again.
There is the young daughter of a friend in Abilene fighting leukemia with laughter and bravery and childlike innocence.
There is my granny who never let being one boob down keep her from loving her husband, her kids, her grandkids, and being an amazing woman of God.
There is my counselor at camp and friend that her mother fought a long hard battle and while I did not know her I see her through her daughter and I know the valeant fight she fought before she went home because she never lost her focus on what was important.
There is the mentor at church growing up that I hear one day at college has a brain tumor that at a very young age and with young children fought through it all and I never saw anything but a smile on her face.
There are the aunts of my dear friend Meredith that so many prayers went up for and both have left a legacy behind on this earth.
And the list goes on and on and on....
Oh and there is my friend's dad who has just started his own fight and had to spend Christmas in the hospital.
And that same friend is helping (along with so many others) through my fight.
So I know it is my good friends who read this and will hear through the grapevine from my sisters and other friends and so I don't know how else to be the first one to tell you except through here.
Cervical cancer is treatable and nothing to worry about yet its still a punch in the gut. There is still the anticipation of the results from tests, the tests, the abnormal instruments in your body, the waiting, the wierd feelings of not knowing if the way your body is responding and the pains are normal or something is wrong, the crying, the bottling up, the I have to be strong, the private melt downs, etc. etc. etc....So there it is. So I no longer just feel for those that have been pierced with this arrow from Satan but feel with them.
Am I mad - yes, Am I frustrated - yes, Do I know how to handle this - no, Do I know if I can get through this - not alone, Do I know God is bigger than this - yes that is the hope I have to cling to.
So no more phone calls or texts why I didn't tell you....I will point you to the blog!! ha!!
Oh and so much for 2010 resolutions - oh no wait writing more was one of those resolutions - see I am making it!!
Sunday, January 03, 2010
Resolutions and Goals
Since I've already said that this year my resolution to stay perfect which has been my resolution for as long as I can remember won't work I guess I need to make some resolutions. Actually, I've made them but I was reading some therapy books (yes I'm a dork) and something kept hitting me over and over - Go Public get accountability to succeed. So here we go.
Although in my mind there is a difference in goals and resolutions and I have some goals and some resolutions. The goals are things I want to do want to happy but depends on some stuff and other people etc. Resolutions are things up to me; where I need accountability; where I need to start being honest with myself etc. I could be the new webster dictionary with those definitions huh?
So here are some of my goals:
1) NEW JOB - this gets all caps and is probably essential to my happiness and wellbeing in 2010 but I just try to keep perspective and keep Philipians 4:6 and 7 in mind and find a job that does not have ON CALL!!!
2) Get Karlee to Abilene to feed the giraffes - she has begged enough
3) Go see my friend at Ole Miss and of course stop by and see Ava and maybe some other friends in Little Rock and Memphis; after all Lori has been to Abilene twice I can make it to Oxford
4) Write more especially when stuff comes pouring through my head and I think oh I'll remember that tomorrow and of course its never the same; it is ridiculous to think I have not written anything in over a year
5) Paint my bedroom
6) Paint my bathroom (separate from the bedroom because the bathroom might actually happen
7) Get some decent curtains for the living room
8) Read more and watch less TV - a goal because I don't watch a lot of TV but DVR has probably doubled the amount I do watch so I want to get it under control before it has to move to the resolution side...
On the resolution side:
1) pray/be in the word/make this a priority
2) Exercise/lose weight/eat healthy and all that encompasses
3) Make wise decisions and all that encompases especially when I know from the past when the decisions is not wise
So lots of goals and 3 resolutions and yet its the resolutions that will be hard and yet will be the easy ones to forget about or just give up on. But now they are in written form and so I'm in new territory but I'm determined that this time next year I will be reflecting how these resolutions have helped me grow as a person...
Although in my mind there is a difference in goals and resolutions and I have some goals and some resolutions. The goals are things I want to do want to happy but depends on some stuff and other people etc. Resolutions are things up to me; where I need accountability; where I need to start being honest with myself etc. I could be the new webster dictionary with those definitions huh?
So here are some of my goals:
1) NEW JOB - this gets all caps and is probably essential to my happiness and wellbeing in 2010 but I just try to keep perspective and keep Philipians 4:6 and 7 in mind and find a job that does not have ON CALL!!!
2) Get Karlee to Abilene to feed the giraffes - she has begged enough
3) Go see my friend at Ole Miss and of course stop by and see Ava and maybe some other friends in Little Rock and Memphis; after all Lori has been to Abilene twice I can make it to Oxford
4) Write more especially when stuff comes pouring through my head and I think oh I'll remember that tomorrow and of course its never the same; it is ridiculous to think I have not written anything in over a year
5) Paint my bedroom
6) Paint my bathroom (separate from the bedroom because the bathroom might actually happen
7) Get some decent curtains for the living room
8) Read more and watch less TV - a goal because I don't watch a lot of TV but DVR has probably doubled the amount I do watch so I want to get it under control before it has to move to the resolution side...
On the resolution side:
1) pray/be in the word/make this a priority
2) Exercise/lose weight/eat healthy and all that encompasses
3) Make wise decisions and all that encompases especially when I know from the past when the decisions is not wise
So lots of goals and 3 resolutions and yet its the resolutions that will be hard and yet will be the easy ones to forget about or just give up on. But now they are in written form and so I'm in new territory but I'm determined that this time next year I will be reflecting how these resolutions have helped me grow as a person...
Friday, January 01, 2010
Happy New Year!!!
HELLO 2010
It is 2010 and I did not make it to even 10:30 to see Dick Clark dropping the ball which I hear is a good thing. Poor Dick Clark...
I went to bed early trying to grab some sleep knowing the drunks would get suicidal about 1:30 am and I would be out all night but it seems that just the people in jail got suicidal last night so miraculously not the worse on call night ever. Hopefully today people will be making resolutions and on call won't be bad.
2009 was one of the hardest years I've been through in some ways but also full of happy and fun memories. Here is what's on the top of the list:
I was so excited to get to go back to 6th session camp I took a 3 year old t
hat still poops in her panties to Camp with me for two weeks - oh did I mention she was really good and it was fun and I would take her again. I think she had a good time too since Karlee still talks about it. I gave her a camera and my mom took her very random and non professional pictures of mostly the back of people's head and feet and put them in an album for her and gave her at Christmas and she just started talking non stop about Boo Haven and her new friends and her camera (which she broke) I think she had fun...
hat still poops in her panties to Camp with me for two weeks - oh did I mention she was really good and it was fun and I would take her again. I think she had a good time too since Karlee still talks about it. I gave her a camera and my mom took her very random and non professional pictures of mostly the back of people's head and feet and put them in an album for her and gave her at Christmas and she just started talking non stop about Boo Haven and her new friends and her camera (which she broke) I think she had fun...
Then there was a wedding so now I am officially the single one left so I guess my dad's announcements at church to find me a man won't stop but I have a pretty cool sister in law that even braved coming to Abilene for Thanksgiving. Wait that is nothing she puts up with my brother!!!
Then of course there is the new baby Ava and the announcement of another baby to come in 2010. And that trip to Little Rock in July to see Ava and then that week long trip to Gatlinburg with Ava and her mommy that she'll never remember but I'll never forget. This orange outfit is my favorite outfit she has and the poor girl is allergic to milk and unlike me she can't just pop some allergy medicine and continue to drink it but she has managed to get much much bigger than in this picture from July. I don't think the orange dress will fit anymore!! Oh and this picture makes me realize I really do need a haircut...
And then there were all the reunions. From Nitro Nancy Trinh coming to Abilene in September and to finally after over a year getting to spend time with Lori last week (see Lori Abilene isn't so horribly bad and I promise next time I'll come to Oxford or whereever you are at with your man friend) ha!! and then the college reunion girl's trip to Colorado with Kitchy, Becky, and C.Jaye. It was all great fun.
And then to top it all off - there was a white Christmas and it was actually a very good time at home. 
So another year gone and a new year here and who knows maybe a resolution list will show tomorrow or later today (depending on the pager) or maybe not resolutions so much as just how I know 2010 will be great!!!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
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