The Nasty Word

The past two weeks have just been punch after punch to the gut knocking every ounce of air out of me....
I hate the C word - the C word that also has ancer attached to it.
Oh probably about 22 or 23 years ago I was chilling a summer at Granny's in Tenn. As a very young girl getting dressed with Granny one day I noticed something wierd - Granny only had one boob. So of course at 9 or 10 you ask and then get some explanation about a gel boob you don't understand. It was my first introduction to someone who had cancer (although at the time I didn't know it.) But I do remember after that thinking everytime they announced at church someone had cancer thinking they were with one less boob.
Since then I like probably most of you all could make a list a mile long of people you know who have battled with it. Brave, courageous people some survivors, some still fighting, some losing the battle that came with their humanness but winning the spiritual battle.
There is the lady at camp who was a counselor a teach and a spiritual role model for me someone I've looked up to since the day I met her - she found out this year her battle she has fought so many times is not yet over and she is fighting again.
There is the young daughter of a friend in Abilene fighting leukemia with laughter and bravery and childlike innocence.
There is my granny who never let being one boob down keep her from loving her husband, her kids, her grandkids, and being an amazing woman of God.
There is my counselor at camp and friend that her mother fought a long hard battle and while I did not know her I see her through her daughter and I know the valeant fight she fought before she went home because she never lost her focus on what was important.
There is the mentor at church growing up that I hear one day at college has a brain tumor that at a very young age and with young children fought through it all and I never saw anything but a smile on her face.
There are the aunts of my dear friend Meredith that so many prayers went up for and both have left a legacy behind on this earth.
And the list goes on and on and on....
Oh and there is my friend's dad who has just started his own fight and had to spend Christmas in the hospital.
And that same friend is helping (along with so many others) through my fight.
So I know it is my good friends who read this and will hear through the grapevine from my sisters and other friends and so I don't know how else to be the first one to tell you except through here.
Cervical cancer is treatable and nothing to worry about yet its still a punch in the gut. There is still the anticipation of the results from tests, the tests, the abnormal instruments in your body, the waiting, the wierd feelings of not knowing if the way your body is responding and the pains are normal or something is wrong, the crying, the bottling up, the I have to be strong, the private melt downs, etc. etc. etc....So there it is. So I no longer just feel for those that have been pierced with this arrow from Satan but feel with them.
Am I mad - yes, Am I frustrated - yes, Do I know how to handle this - no, Do I know if I can get through this - not alone, Do I know God is bigger than this - yes that is the hope I have to cling to.
So no more phone calls or texts why I didn't tell you....I will point you to the blog!! ha!!
Oh and so much for 2010 resolutions - oh no wait writing more was one of those resolutions - see I am making it!!