Well on the last day that I am 31 the Dr. decided to offer me really awesome amazingly great news today. This amazingly really awesome great news is a simple phrase, "maybe I am wrong" that gave me a sliver of hope.
Here is the story - about August or Sept. last year I started getting these welps all over me my legs, back, thighs, feet that looked like huge mosquito bites swolen up but then they would go away after about an hour of intense itching. They kept getting worse so I switched detergent - nothing then I switched lotion and it seemed to help. But some days they would be really bad. Then I would everyonce in a while start getting swolen lips at different random times and sometimes I would wake up with huge bumps on my head. New years day was unbearable and I decided since try as I might I could not pinpoint the problem I would go to my Dr. Well it got better and has not been too horribly bad until this week.
First my ankle has had a huge swolen rash and no amount of benadryl has helped. Everyday I have had these welps cuminating in this morning both of my legs were covered in them, my arms were covered in them and my eye was swolen. The med clinic at MHMR sent me to get benadryl and I went to my primary care physician. That is where I received the DETRIMENTAL news - he thinks it is probably food allergies and at that milk or tomatos or a combo of both. Well I have been drinking more milk this week probably than usual and I have also been eating salads with salsa on it because I don't like salad dressing. Now milk is one of my favorite things to drink it helps my leg cramps and I love cereal and salsa I don't know if I can live without so I informed the Dr. he must be wrong. He has referred me to an allergist and offered his amazing good news, "I might be wrong".
I've been allergied food tested before and tomatos showed up slightly elevated - nothing like peanuts, watermelon, canteloupe, and pineapple type fruits did, and nothing like the pine cedar etc. I can't remember all the official categories. Milk though I remember was not elevated at all. Of course my Dr. informed me that allergies can continually change.
At least the benadryl has helped my breathing and my legs are no longer full of welps but I tell you there needs to be a warning ONLY TAKE BEFORE GOING TO BED because I felt as loopy as my clients after taking that stuff today.
So I hope the big news for 32 is that I can drink all the milk and eat all the salsa I want!!!
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
Here we go again
Well another loss this weekend I don't think I'm ever going to get used to this suicide thing. And I know I'm not supposed to feel this way but sometimes you feel like there was something you could have done - so I guess that makes it harder because this one has been hard. I told myself yesterday it was from the lack of sleep from being up ALL night Saturday dealing with one crisis after another but after a late afternoon knap and a full night's sleep I don't feel any better about it. I guess really deep down I'm not cut out for this.
One thing I will say is my church group is so supportive. One person knew what happened and soon the whole class was supportive. That is why I stay in Abilene - this amazing support.
People say they don't understand what makes a person comtemplate and consider suicide and then act on it. I hope they never have to understand. I understand at least from one facit and I know there are many circumstances and thoughts and processes that can get you there. People argue if it is situational, medical, genetic, drug induced, etc. I think usually its a combination of a multitude of factors. Some are against helping with short term things like meds and hospitalizations and say well they are just going to do it one day. Maybe this is true in some sence but I also know that help can help. It is horrible being at that place; without hope feeling like everything is going to cave in and there is nothing you can do. Yes its true we often make decisions to get ourselves there but once there it is horrible. I could have done things differently and perhaps helped some people this year get help. Would it have helped? I don't know - I hope it would have - but I live with that. I can't help it I live with it. I wouldn't call it guilt just facts that one decision might have had a different outcome. I guess all things in life are like that just one decision could have changed the course.
We were in a suicide prevention training last week and the question was asked of numerous case managers how many client's have you lost. These people have all been here a while - a lot longer than me and most have not lost anybody or only one, two at the most. It makes you question your decision making. It just does. I have been assured that I make wise decisions and am good and that it is because I'm seeing people in crisis. The guy that I partner with has had zero and he has been here a long time. Some say I can handle it emotionally - maybe that is why you are getting to read this on here because this is my emotional outlet. I don't know.
I guess tomorrow is a different day but lately accounting has been looking awfully good.
So that is where I am at.
One thing I will say is my church group is so supportive. One person knew what happened and soon the whole class was supportive. That is why I stay in Abilene - this amazing support.
People say they don't understand what makes a person comtemplate and consider suicide and then act on it. I hope they never have to understand. I understand at least from one facit and I know there are many circumstances and thoughts and processes that can get you there. People argue if it is situational, medical, genetic, drug induced, etc. I think usually its a combination of a multitude of factors. Some are against helping with short term things like meds and hospitalizations and say well they are just going to do it one day. Maybe this is true in some sence but I also know that help can help. It is horrible being at that place; without hope feeling like everything is going to cave in and there is nothing you can do. Yes its true we often make decisions to get ourselves there but once there it is horrible. I could have done things differently and perhaps helped some people this year get help. Would it have helped? I don't know - I hope it would have - but I live with that. I can't help it I live with it. I wouldn't call it guilt just facts that one decision might have had a different outcome. I guess all things in life are like that just one decision could have changed the course.
We were in a suicide prevention training last week and the question was asked of numerous case managers how many client's have you lost. These people have all been here a while - a lot longer than me and most have not lost anybody or only one, two at the most. It makes you question your decision making. It just does. I have been assured that I make wise decisions and am good and that it is because I'm seeing people in crisis. The guy that I partner with has had zero and he has been here a long time. Some say I can handle it emotionally - maybe that is why you are getting to read this on here because this is my emotional outlet. I don't know.
I guess tomorrow is a different day but lately accounting has been looking awfully good.
So that is where I am at.
Monday, April 06, 2009
Video of my room and the house
This is mainly for Meredith's sake as she is going to help me decorate and curtain it from afar!!!
Jeopardy and the 1st Pics
Since we have DVR I like to say that I educate myself 30 minutes everyday watching Jeopardy. This makes up for the rest of the TV time I spend watching Biggest Loser, Survivor, The Office, 30 Rock, Big Love, Amazing Race, The Apprentice - Yes I still watch all of these reality shows I'm a dork I know but you can watch 2 hours in 30 minutes!!! Anyway, usually I get about 5 questions right on a good day and those are usually the days that they have current movies, TV shows, literature, or the Bible as clues. Today I was super excited because they had SNL clues and they would list characters and you would say the person who played them - I got all 5 right I was so excited.
Anyway....
So here are some pictures of the house at least the living room. It is about the most settled room and its still not totally settled. After about 30 minutes last night and 45 minutes tonight I think I finally have a set up I like. Here are picks of my favorite two options and for now I'm going with the 1st. I'll post some more pictures whenever the furniture for the bedroom comes in.
Things are finally coming together. The dishwasher doesn't spot our dishes anymore, the washing machine does not sound like a freight train is coming through the living room anymore, and the oven works (or at least it cooked my pork chops tonight)!!!
Oh and I also crawled under the sink tonight and figured out why the water did not get very hot in the kitchen. It helps to have as much hot water turned on as cold water!!! Now all I got to do is dig the tree up outside, think about digging the dead tree up in the back yard, replace a couple of sprinkler heads, and do some caulking oh and paint the posts outside and hang some pictures and decorations. Not bad!!!
How I have it now and like best.
View from front door looking towards back door. Meredith you are in charge of those curtains.
Looking towards the kitchen from the hallway.
Looking towards the front door.
Room arrangement number 2 the couch is just too much there.
The washer that is so quiet!!!
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