Ava loves her God made "ME!!" song and can say at least one word "ME" and loves hamburgers. She just ate this hamburger cold out of the fridge before Mirm could get it warmed up.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
What Cancer Cannot Do
I just got on facebook to check in on my camper I mentioned in the previous post and this is what was her last post on her wall and I needed to read it so I'm sharing it.
What Cancer Cannot Do
Cancer is so limited
It cannot cripple love
It cannot shatter hope
It cannot corrode faith
It cannot destroy peace
It cannot kill friendship
It cannot suppress memories
It cannot silence courage
It cannot invade the soul
It cannot steal eternal life
It cannot conquer the Spirit.
What Cancer Cannot Do
Cancer is so limited
It cannot cripple love
It cannot shatter hope
It cannot corrode faith
It cannot destroy peace
It cannot kill friendship
It cannot suppress memories
It cannot silence courage
It cannot invade the soul
It cannot steal eternal life
It cannot conquer the Spirit.
BIG EVENTS OF LAST TWO WEEKS
So today I find out my supposedly final blood work so that I can say I am cancer free has come back INCONCLUSIVE. Now tell me what that means. Apparently it means we do it over again so here we go. Now the magic date is Friday. I'm ready to have the stick of dynamite out although supposedly it just disolves but I'm telling you when you move a certain way you know it is there. Anyway, so hopefully Friday I can officially announce I'm in REMISSION. Apparently you don't get the privledge of saying you are CANCER FREE ever again once you have had it. I guess I'll just have to make my own rules.
Frankly I'm pretty sick of this cancer stuff. This year alone it has affected so many people I love and care about either personally or through their families. Today I just found out one of my junior high campers from last year has a tumor in her throat. I'm sick of it. Today I was listening to a Christian station and heard that DC Talk song In the Light haven't heard it in a long time. One of the lyrics I've never thought about before says the "disease of self runs through my blood like a cancer fatal to my soul" I guess those lyrics hit more home now as I understand the fatality and how rampad cancer is.
Anyway, on to more news:
Last Wednesday was a big day as I put in my notice that I am leaving the lovely BHC otherwise known as Betty Hardwick Center stress center of the world. June 10th at noon cannot get here fast enough. My boss was pretty shocked and thinks its about money even though I tell him its not although the money isn't good but so they are offering me more begging me to stay etc. Have not even posted my job yet. What is the point of telling them early if they are not going to try to hire someone I can help them train. Well I did what I could. I'm not going to let them guilt trip me.
So you ask what am I going to do.
Well I am leaving June 10th to go to Mirm's to help her drive herself and Ava to camp blue haven where I'll spend two weeks with them and my other sister and her three kids. and my good friends Lance and Bicky and Rachel Almanza I'm excited couldn't be a better way to recover from two years of constant crisis. Then I'm going on a trip to Philly and Niagra Falls and whereever else my mom and dad have planned yes you got it right with my parents. For how long you say yes 1 month. Yes the craziness of my clients has rubbed off on me!!!
Then I'm going back to CBH for 6th session.
And then....well....its up in the air but right now looks like I'm going to work more permanently at the accounting firm doing training and soft skills building and maybe some audit private practice on the side who knows...
And one more piece of big news....I put an envelope in the mail this morning complete with the proof I have gotten all my hours for my LPC license!!!!
So the last two weeks have been busy crazy and hectic and wonderful all at the same time (how could spending a week with Ava not be wonderful)
Thankyou all who have supported me through all of the mess the hard times the happier times the crazy time the past couple of years couldn't have done it without you!!!
Frankly I'm pretty sick of this cancer stuff. This year alone it has affected so many people I love and care about either personally or through their families. Today I just found out one of my junior high campers from last year has a tumor in her throat. I'm sick of it. Today I was listening to a Christian station and heard that DC Talk song In the Light haven't heard it in a long time. One of the lyrics I've never thought about before says the "disease of self runs through my blood like a cancer fatal to my soul" I guess those lyrics hit more home now as I understand the fatality and how rampad cancer is.
Anyway, on to more news:
Last Wednesday was a big day as I put in my notice that I am leaving the lovely BHC otherwise known as Betty Hardwick Center stress center of the world. June 10th at noon cannot get here fast enough. My boss was pretty shocked and thinks its about money even though I tell him its not although the money isn't good but so they are offering me more begging me to stay etc. Have not even posted my job yet. What is the point of telling them early if they are not going to try to hire someone I can help them train. Well I did what I could. I'm not going to let them guilt trip me.
So you ask what am I going to do.
Well I am leaving June 10th to go to Mirm's to help her drive herself and Ava to camp blue haven where I'll spend two weeks with them and my other sister and her three kids. and my good friends Lance and Bicky and Rachel Almanza I'm excited couldn't be a better way to recover from two years of constant crisis. Then I'm going on a trip to Philly and Niagra Falls and whereever else my mom and dad have planned yes you got it right with my parents. For how long you say yes 1 month. Yes the craziness of my clients has rubbed off on me!!!
Then I'm going back to CBH for 6th session.
And then....well....its up in the air but right now looks like I'm going to work more permanently at the accounting firm doing training and soft skills building and maybe some audit private practice on the side who knows...
And one more piece of big news....I put an envelope in the mail this morning complete with the proof I have gotten all my hours for my LPC license!!!!
So the last two weeks have been busy crazy and hectic and wonderful all at the same time (how could spending a week with Ava not be wonderful)
Thankyou all who have supported me through all of the mess the hard times the happier times the crazy time the past couple of years couldn't have done it without you!!!
Friday, April 02, 2010
Faith
I’ve always believed that doubt leads to increased faith. But what happens when that doubt takes over in such a strong way that the faith is choked out. It is similar to the weeds in my back yard that are choking out my grass. You’d think you wouldn’t have to mow weeds but they grow faster than grass and hoeing, pulling, and roundup does not seem to phase them. Ok sorry tangent.
So I’ve been thinking a lot lately about faith and doubt and trust and how all this correlates in the struggle in my life and my friend’s lives and in this world. These are my thoughts/views/what I’m jumbling around in my mind and heart.
I’m not a person that just automatically trusts people and yet I do. There are so many times I put my trust in other people and don’t even think about it. For instance when I’m driving down the road I am going to trust the person in the lane next to me is going to not come crashing into me. While that may be a more superficial trust there is a trust based on relationships. Little kids that are from a healthy family trust their parents with everything they have. You see it when something scares them. They don’t come running to their aunt or a stranger but to their mother. But if their mother is not there and a familiar person (like their aunt) is there then they will go to that person because they trust the familiar and then that builds a trust that that person they ran to will protect them and keep them safe. Trust is based on historical facts, circumstances, events, etc. Once you trust a person you don’t lose trust in them until something happens that makes you doubt that trust.
Faith though seems so different to me. Faith is based upon something that might be or might not be but you choose to believe it is. But yet it is so much bigger than that. Faith is based upon a desire for a relationship. I’ve been reading Hebrews lately and so confused and frustrated. I read Hebrews 11 last night and it was timely. Of course this is well known as the faith chapter but when I read it things just hit home. “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” And then it goes on to explain how so many people had faith. Sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. I don’t see God. Oh I see nature and people and all these things that a Christian believes God created but that is the faith. I could just as easily have faith in evolution or whatever other path I want.
So the question for me becomes – how does doubt evolve to faith? So when things start not making since and doubt is overwhelming with is this real, is this a game, do we do this to make us feel good to have a way to explain things, do we teach ourselves things to say when things happen so that whatever we have ingrained in our system to believe in will make since? What happens when we start wondering how the Bible really comes together and was Jesus someone that just hacked off the Romans and the Jews who were living in a domination system and they got rid of him. When we start questioning the whys of this life does God have a plan what is that plan etc. what do you do? How do help someone overcome their doubt. Like the man in Mark 9 that begged Jesus, “Help me overcome my unbelief!” What is interesting is in the same sentence the same man that just asked Jesus to help him overcome his unbelief he leads off with “I do believe”. Seems so contradictory but maybe that is where the hope is. That believe that doubt that trust based on what we do see will lead to faith.
Back to the tangent…last year when I moved in I remember thinking the weeds were out of control but as the grass grew in it took over and eventually the weeds were not as apparent. I guess they were still there and sometimes more dominant than the grass – seems how that is what faith and doubt are for me. Who knows maybe one day there will be no weeds.
So I’ve been thinking a lot lately about faith and doubt and trust and how all this correlates in the struggle in my life and my friend’s lives and in this world. These are my thoughts/views/what I’m jumbling around in my mind and heart.
I’m not a person that just automatically trusts people and yet I do. There are so many times I put my trust in other people and don’t even think about it. For instance when I’m driving down the road I am going to trust the person in the lane next to me is going to not come crashing into me. While that may be a more superficial trust there is a trust based on relationships. Little kids that are from a healthy family trust their parents with everything they have. You see it when something scares them. They don’t come running to their aunt or a stranger but to their mother. But if their mother is not there and a familiar person (like their aunt) is there then they will go to that person because they trust the familiar and then that builds a trust that that person they ran to will protect them and keep them safe. Trust is based on historical facts, circumstances, events, etc. Once you trust a person you don’t lose trust in them until something happens that makes you doubt that trust.
Faith though seems so different to me. Faith is based upon something that might be or might not be but you choose to believe it is. But yet it is so much bigger than that. Faith is based upon a desire for a relationship. I’ve been reading Hebrews lately and so confused and frustrated. I read Hebrews 11 last night and it was timely. Of course this is well known as the faith chapter but when I read it things just hit home. “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” And then it goes on to explain how so many people had faith. Sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. I don’t see God. Oh I see nature and people and all these things that a Christian believes God created but that is the faith. I could just as easily have faith in evolution or whatever other path I want.
So the question for me becomes – how does doubt evolve to faith? So when things start not making since and doubt is overwhelming with is this real, is this a game, do we do this to make us feel good to have a way to explain things, do we teach ourselves things to say when things happen so that whatever we have ingrained in our system to believe in will make since? What happens when we start wondering how the Bible really comes together and was Jesus someone that just hacked off the Romans and the Jews who were living in a domination system and they got rid of him. When we start questioning the whys of this life does God have a plan what is that plan etc. what do you do? How do help someone overcome their doubt. Like the man in Mark 9 that begged Jesus, “Help me overcome my unbelief!” What is interesting is in the same sentence the same man that just asked Jesus to help him overcome his unbelief he leads off with “I do believe”. Seems so contradictory but maybe that is where the hope is. That believe that doubt that trust based on what we do see will lead to faith.
Back to the tangent…last year when I moved in I remember thinking the weeds were out of control but as the grass grew in it took over and eventually the weeds were not as apparent. I guess they were still there and sometimes more dominant than the grass – seems how that is what faith and doubt are for me. Who knows maybe one day there will be no weeds.
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