Be Joyful Always

It was exactly one year ago when I locked the door to the dining hall and headed down the hill to my cabin. After grabbing a quick shower I headed off to Early Christian Worship with some of the other staff. I remember sitting there singing with a heavy heart knowing something was wrong and I couldn’t even label it. Just three weeks ago I got the letter from Meredith telling me Neal was giving up. My initial reaction then was no way Neal is a fighter he’s been fighting since he was a baby just hang on and we are going to have a successful kidney transplant. But after getting his best friend J.R. who was a counselor and talking to him on the phone I knew his spirit was weak and it was gnawing away at my heart. I remember hugging my friend Tammy after a late night talk and then heading off to try to catch some sleep before the all day hike I was planning on going on. But sleep was restless because there was a sickening feeling in my stomach I couldn’t explain but couldn’t ignore. J. R. left the next day to go see Neal. I drove with some others to the El Cielo trail and took off hiking. The day was a typical summer day in the mountains where the clouds build back over the mountains and is an amazing sight to watch. We had been watching these clouds balloon all day long. As we walked along the ridge to the valley we would tackle before reaching the summit (consequencely this strongly resembles the sound of music tour view) I looked out an saw some of the most amazing views of clouds billowing in over the sun and hugging the top of the mountain peaks. Many of the campers began complaining because of the steepness of the rest of the hike and as I looked out all I could think about was how they had the legs and strength to hike this and how Neal would have given anything to have EVER been able to hike this beautiful mountain. Some of my friends with me asked if I wanted a picture and even though I would normally have taken 1,000 pictures trying to capture the beauty that day I didn’t even try because I knew how impossible it was. I couldn’t get Neal out of my mind for the rest of the hike up, down, and the ride back into camp. It was like something was stirring deep inside me telling me something was up I just didn’t know what. I got back to camp and went to the kitchen to start helping get dinner ready. That is when my friend Philip called on the intercom that I had a phone call. Not thinking much about it I clicked the phone on and I heard Philip’s wife Tammy (my good friend mentioned above) saying, “Meredith we love you all” and I just knew, I knew that Neal was now looking down on those clouds instead of up into them. As I held the phone their were no words I had, Meredith had no words just tears, tears of comfort, tears knowing he was no longer in pain, and tears of intense hurt and emotional pain. The next 4 or 5 hours are now like a zombie to me and while I remember some of the things that happened it wasn’t until later that evening when the camp gathered on the deck and was singing that I looked up and saw the sun peaking out from those clouds and I felt Neal’s presence right there with us and I knew he was singing with us. Its hard to realize that was one year ago and the hurt is just as intense now as then; but I’ve learned to cope and to face life knowing that Neal’s legacy lives on. He was an amazing kid, young man, friend, brother and I miss him. So now as the count of the years begins to living without Neal I will never forget how he has inspired me and how his attitude has changed my outlook on life. In Neal’s words, “Be joyful, always, Not tomorrow, not for 10 minutes, not just at lunch, but always, always, always. Everyone has problems but life is good. Don’t waste it, what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. Have joy alright. Always!!”